The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
