apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize