Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
