Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
