Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
