So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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