Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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