Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
