Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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