Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
