saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
