i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
