It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
