somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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