I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
