Im at strip club and am horny
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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