And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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