OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
