he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
honey bunches of taint.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
