suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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