i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
