Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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