i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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