he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
