when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
