Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize