Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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