He is an equal opportunity slut.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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