I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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