you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
