I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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