I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
