and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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