I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
