Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
