After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
