shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
