I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i already hear my dad disowning me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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