god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
