But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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