May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
