her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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