So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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