wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize