if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
