Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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