She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
