He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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