so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
