I am spending my child support on dildos
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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