Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
