I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
