I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
