This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
