Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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