I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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