um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
