I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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