The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
