Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
