i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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