Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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