one two three fourrrrnication!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
