I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
