My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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