I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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