help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my liver is dry heaving
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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