i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My life is pants optional.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize