We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
