i think i have two assholes
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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